Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

last night I told my four year old I loved her and she said “I love you so much that if someone chopped your head off I’d carry it around forever in a bag”

My daughter told me I’m the strictest parent she knows (because she has a 10pm bedtime on a school day and isn’t allowed her phone overnight - she’s 14) - and I feel like I’m winning at life and taking it as a compliment 😊😊

My 4 year old is mad that the hands on our clock keep moving so I guess this is the age that existential dread kicks in

“But chickens don’t have fingers,” my kid, ruining dinner.

Kids under 3 get in free to Disneyland which means you’re only charged admission to the park if your brain is capable of forming long term memories. By that token Disneyland should also be free if you’re blackout drunk

all day my six year old told people we attended a “bathtism” this weekend and i find no reason to correct her whatsoever

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me? Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball. Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

How to know if your child is going to need a snack: Are they awake?

My 4-year-old asked for hot cocoa, but wanted me to put it in the fridge to cool off before he drank it. I said, "So you basically want chocolate milk." His look said, "Don't even think about it."

the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said “garlic salt”

You learn a lot about your family when you spend 12 hours in a car together. For example, I learned my family shouldn’t spend 12 hours in a car together.

I asked my 5yo why he didn’t eat all his lunch and he said he only likes his apples cut straight. I have no idea what that means.

My daughter dresses EXACTLY how teenaged me dressed in the Nineties but I’m not gonna tell her.

If my kids ask, spiders only live in bedrooms kids don’t clean.

please keep me in your thoughts as I attempt to learn the proper names of all construction vehicles for my 2yo son

my wife is still mad that I said "teamwork makes the dream work" after the doctor congratulated us on the birth of our child

Took the day off so I’d have enough time to fill out all the back to school forms

My son came home from camp soaking wet because he couldn’t find his towel. In his backpack.

‘You birthed a human’ I mutter under my breath as I wrestle to get the sleeping bag back into the sleeping bag bag

Me: *innocently throwing away crumpled up paper* My kid: *Throwing herself on the floor in a pile of despair* THAT WAS MY SUPER SPECIAL CRAFT

Talking to my sleepy 9 year old and as a joke offered her some of my coffee. She said, “I can’t drink coffee, I’m not an old person yet,” and now I hate everything.

“OH BOY MOM YOUR EYES LOOK REALLY TIRED” and other lines from my 6 year old’s upcoming motivational conference

some days i think i'm handling parenthood well and other days i open my computer and see the thing i googled after having one too many glasses of wine the night before was "best cage for baby"

If you’re tired of being the first person to any party you should consider having kids

Whomever said “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” never met a toddler who wants to do it themself

My teenagers use so much slang I have no idea what they're even saying anymore. I just hold my hand out for a fist bump and hope for the best.